Mary Ucci: Using "Time-Out" Properly
Disciplining a child has different meanings for different people, but I view discipline not as a punishment but rather as a means to help the child develop ways to discipline himself. Using "time-out" has become a very common approach among parents and child care providers alike. Time-out is actually a current term for an age-old concept--taking a break from the action, finding a time and space to regroup and regain a better sense of self control. However, if time-out is used too frequently or inappropriately, it can be both ineffective and potentially harmful.
I have seen a tremendous variation in the way time-outs are used, but there are certain key elements that are necessary for it to work effectively. First, it is important to understand that when a child misbehaves, he or she needs adult support. For this reason, a time-out for a preschooler means that the child is not simply removed from the situation and placed alone; rather, that child needs to be removed from the situation, but also needs an adult to be with him/her.
Second, it's good to have a "script" to convey a supportive message, so the child understands that although he may not be in complete control of himself at the moment, there is an adult who is taking charge. For example. "I can see you're having a problem waiting to use the crayons" tells the child what the problem is. "I can help you" indicates who's in charge, and when the child is taken away from the situation, "We can be here for awhile and talk" lets the child know that there is a purpose to the time out. It's also important to avoid lecturing the child and use very short sentences.
Keep in mind that it's difficult for a child to talk about the problem in the middle of the disruption; once he or she has calmed down, the adult can tell him what happened ("You were taking Tommy's crayons"), and say "It's not OK to take crayons away when Tommy is using them." It is equally important to tell the child what would be an acceptable thing to do, such as "You may tell Tommy that you'd like to use the crayons when he's done."
Third. the amount of time for a timeout shouldn't be too long--perhaps one to two minutes--and it's better to err on the side of making it too short rather than too long, since the whole point of time-out is to be supportive rather than punitive.
Finally, however time-out is used, it has to be tailored to the situation and, most importantly, to the child's stage of development. For example, it may be helpful to explain the problem and solution to a preschooler, but for a younger child who can't articulate very well, it may be more appropriate to remove him from the problem and provide him the support of a caring adult. Knowing a child's developmental needs and keeping in mind the purpose of time-out will go a long way toward making the most effective use of this valuable approach.
(Mary Ucci is a member of the CHILD HEALTH ALERT Editorial Advisory Board)
Editor's Note: Because of the importance of this subject to parents as well as child-care providers, subscribers are encouraged to post. copy, and distribute this page.
Mary Ucci, who is Educational Director of the Child Study Center of Wellesley College, writes this periodic column on early childhood development; she welcomes questions from readers, which she will answer as space permits. Questions should be sent to her c/o Child Health Alert, P 0. Box 610228, Newton Highlands, MA 02461.
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